Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
