she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
