If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm at about main and main street
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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