I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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