At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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