your room smells of hookers.
And success
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
