The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Enjoy the penises
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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