fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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