I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
