I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
