my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
