They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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