don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
