i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
