i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
