He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
