Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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