You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
