and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
