wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
