guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
