I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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