oh god the rape fog is back!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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