drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
