Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
