Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
