i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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