I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
