You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
