Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
how does that bad decision feel?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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