even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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