i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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