Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My penis needs a shock collar
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
