She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
