I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
