so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
