I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
