My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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