i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
