Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
zippers are such a cool invention
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
