Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
