Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
