I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
