Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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