i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
