Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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