I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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