Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize