You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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