how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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