Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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