dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
