I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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