I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
