Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
