doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
