i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just cropdusted the office
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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