I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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