Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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