He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
