i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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