found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
