I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
