i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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