I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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