Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
