I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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