I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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