How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
