girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
